Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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