i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
