I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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