Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
