I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
