You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
