I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
