I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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