Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
