Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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