I think my fart just growled at me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
