I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
