I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
