I'm so fucking centered right now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
