I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
