We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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