; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
