Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
