I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize