At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
