the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
