RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
