We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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