Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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