Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
