everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
