I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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