Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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