no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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