I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
