i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
