you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
