Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize