I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
