he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
