Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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