I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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