too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
