hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
