why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
