it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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