So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
