When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
