im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We left the knife in your bed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
