Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
