i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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