If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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