Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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