its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
