I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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