Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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