he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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