Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
