My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
