didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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