i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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