I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
