After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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