good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Holy sore nipples Batman
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
