I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
