Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
