u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
