I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
