I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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