She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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