so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
