I could have mohawked her pubes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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