Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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