she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
