Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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