just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
