i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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