My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
