I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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