Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're like the curious george of whores
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
