I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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