Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
