Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
