Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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