sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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