After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
