the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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