This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
