girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
