maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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