Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
