Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
