You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
