yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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