I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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