Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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